Are you Happy?

I had dinner with Hans and Hanneke; a proper continental one with good food, wine and many personal questions, some embarrassing.

After one of my usual sweeping statements, Hanneke stopped me to clarify: “What do you mean that you don’t care about being happy?”

I still think about Hanneke’s question and wondering if you are doubtful as well. Happiness doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s the equivalent of content villagers who ignore what happens in the rest of the world and actually don’t care as long it doesn’t affect them.

Last week I went to see Precious. It’s the story of an overweight teenager in a black American suburb who seems cursed by life: raped by her father with 2 children and has HIV as a consequence, abused by her mother who only cares to receive public benefits. Expelled from school she ends up in an NGO which provides alternative education. The she finds friends and support to get through all her disgraces.

It’s a thoughtful film that reminds us what life is and what matters as we go through it.

It might sound funny but I could see myself in Precious, the fat black teenager: different, always uncomfortable with the others, looking for my ‘place’.

For many years, I felt like that. I was angry. I was not as submissive as Precious but aggressive.  I hated everybody, especially myself.

This is over now. I’m not angry anymore but passionate about my life, my job. Passion for social change has replaced my anger. Building civil society in Europe and transforming the EU in to a world force for good doesn’t leave time for regrets. Working has been theraputic. It’s my medicine, sometimes an obsession.

My father told me I’ve become a man… and chubby. He made me laugh. I don’t care anymore and I love good food and wine. It’s a large part of life!

I can’t say I’m happy. Perhaps I’m scared of happiness because it would leave purposeless with my souvenirs.

Today I’m satisfied. It’s not the call of the Shadow Minister or invitation to the Vatican. I’ve been asked to sit on a panel to comment on the latest book on social innovation by Geoff Mulgan and Robin Murray.This time I’m flatteredI’ve been put in a box… with social innovators!

It’s nice to think about it. Tomorrow is another challenge. I’m a fighter and love fighting. I guess happiness is not possible. My past left a scar never healed totally.

I see myself driven straight to the end. I’m running towards the end as my favorite hero: Achilles who run fast towards his death for glory.

Even my other favorite hero shared a similar destiny: lived to die young for the glory of humanity. Yes, Jesus chose a broader audience. I guess I might have even a broader audience if I can afford the campaigning advisors of Obama!